– Is anybody dating right now? – Not seeing anybody at all. – Not seeing anyone at all? – Well, how you doin'? No, I'm messin' with you. – Is it Tinder now? Is
that what we're doin'? (laughing) – I just feel like I should be over here 'cuz I look like a baby. – That sounds good. – Wait a second. So you're
saying I'm old then? – I mean, I'm not saying you young. I'm just kidding, I'm just– – I guess I should move through the most, maybe 'cuz, you know, I'm just…
– [Marissa] Because
you're doing the most so. – I'm just so flamboyant. – You know what's funny?
I do agree with that. I feel you are living your best life, so you feel like you've
been through some things? – Most definitely. – Yeah. – Yeah. I know it sounds like rude, but I feel like you are in
the right place as well. – Okay. – Just because, mostly because you, you're very casually dressed. You're not trying to show out anything. You're like the opposite of her, but the same, but the
I guess. – He's not trying to
impress anyone right now, which means he's been
maybe hurt a few times. – I see. I didn't say, – Thank you. – I didn't say all that, but… – I said that. – You go get in the middle. – No, I think, – I hope you going in here. – Why should I be middle? What's the reason? – You are the young. – So, yeah. I'm still figuring out my life. You want me to go in the middle? – Yeah, I think so too. Because you automatically
put yourself there. – Exactly. – I felt good over there, but I feel like you should be last because your, your look and your
demeanor is like very calm. Like you're just like
nothing phases me and that. Yeah, I think that puts you at the least. – Yeah. – Just based on certain experiences because people are shock
that I have children, so they're probably will be shocked that I was ever married, just because sometimes
the way I carry myself and the fun person I am, I'm, but on the other end, I guess sometimes 'cause of my confidence, and again, way I carry
myself, people might think I'm been around a whole bunch
of girls and had marriages.
So it's a, it's a pivotal coin. I feel, I feel like you
should still be here just to point out the
fact that you are young and that Nintendo, that
bag thing is giving off that I'm still, I'm still
in my young days life. – I know she's not ready
for commitment yet. – She's still playing games. – She's still playing games. – Still playing games. – Yes. Yes. Right. – You're probably not wrong. – Maybe you two should switch. – Right here? – Yeah, right here.
– Yeah, I think that's good. – Oh, I have one more thought. – Uh-oh. – Uh-oh. – Okay. I'm not saying
anything other than, maybe some more wisdom here, maybe we should put you at that end. – Okay. – Have longer years of life. – Okay. Oh, yeah. – Not, I, not, not that… – I like how she, she planned.
She worded that real nice. – Thank you, Marissa. – She said you're old in a great way.
– Grace comes with age. You're good. – I feel pretty good about this… y'all? – Yeah. – Yep. – Okay. – Okay. – Hey, good humans. Jada here. There's been a lot going around the world and in my life the last few years. Going through so many
changes can be a lot. So this year I've decided to
prioritize my mental health. We want to thank betterhelp for sponsoring this portion of today's video. betterhealth is the world's
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for sponsoring this episode. Now let's get back into the video. – I think a good question
to ask would be kids' ages. – I have three of them. 14, 12, and 9. – Okay. – I take it, you don't have any. – Zero kids. – You look like you don't have any. – I knew it. – So I have two daughters.
20-year-old and an 8-year-old. – Actually, I have five kids. They're are 24, 21, 12, 5 and 4. – I have, but one, 27. – Are your parents still together? – Me, yes? – I guess they're still
together in heaven. – Oh, there you go. – Love that for us. – My dad was deceased
when I was nine months, and my mom's been trying to
get things together since. – My parents are still together. – Mine divorced later on in life. So, no. Based on some of the stuff that we said, I feel like you still might
be in the wrong place, but we'll continue on and figure that out.
– Mm-hmm. – Yes, I think you should be up there, a little bit more, like some. – Why don't you just go
ahead and move right here. – I'll tell you. – All the way? – No, no, next.
– No, no, right here. – Yeah, yeah. Next to you. – Right next to me. Right here. – OK. OK. Alright. – Oh, doing it. – It, it's funny cuz at first when you said you had like five kids, I was gonna say, oh no, her, but that, that doesn't necessarily
mean you've been married multiple times, you just got five kids.
– Right, right.
– Yeah, of course. – And then you not having
any kids means like– – Red flag? – Not red flag. It's your flag and whatever
color you want it to be. But it's like, you're like, you are like your living life. You, you have this freedom
to, you know, explore. – Depend, depend of the age now too. – She's just having fun right now. – How old you are? – I'm 30 years old. – Nice. – Nice. – I have a thought. – I think… – I think he needs to be right over here. – No, I think you need to be
– Why, me? – in this spot. – On that spot. – Yeah, and my reason is you said
your father passed away early. – Yeah. And your mother was trying to
get it together ever since. – She, she is in a relationship now. She remarried once and that was it. – I think the way that sometimes what we see in our
lives when we're younger really affects our ability to connect with people when we're older. And so for that reason I
think you and I should switch.
– Okay. I feel like I should switch. – Are you like really breathing this? – Are we all giving ages? Cause you said you're 30. – And how old are you? – How old do you think I am? – Okay, let's (voices overlapping) (laughing) – I would've said 46. – 44. – Well, then, how you think I am? Since you wanna play that game. – I'm gonna say you're in 35. – Oh well, thank you very much. I'm 40.
– How old are you? – 40. – 40. Okay. – I have a birthday next month. – 40. – I'm 40. – 40. We 40, 40, and… – How old you think guys? – I'll say the safe answer and say 20. – 40… – 46. – No, I say my son age. – Oh, that's right. And I say when I have my son. – You said 27, right? – [Nicoleta] Yeah. – So 54? – So I still think you
should stay there though. – Is anybody dating right now? – Not seeing anybody at all.
– Not seeing anyone at all. – Well, how you doing? No, I'm messin' with you. – Do y'all wanna'? – Is it, is it Tinder
now? That's what we doing? – So where are you at? – I am just here. I'm nowhere. – You're nowhere.
– Just… – I'm just everywhere, I guess. I mean, wherever I need to be. – I'm casually dating. – Me too. – So what do you mean casually? That means you dating and
going on multiple dates? – Yes. – Oh, okay. – I just started a new relationship.
– Oh, congratulations. – Thank you. It it took
me a while to find, but just found someone. So we just started. – How long did it take you to find? – Yeah. – Oh wow. A few years. A couple years. – Ooh. – Yeah. – Took that time to heal. – Oh, there was a lot. – I've been single for three years and since then, it was
really hard to date. Like I actually thought I was ready a couple months afterwards, just to even go out and have a drink.
And I was realizing, I was
sitting there and I'm like, why am I here? The fear
is starting all over. What is his red flags? What is this? What is that? – So I've been, what? Seven
years, I've been single. I was married when I was, before the whole online thing came on. And then when I dabbled into it, it's horrifying as hell because people are just
insane, I think online for the most part. But at the same token, there's also, I was like more focused on, I want to be there for
my kids a hundred percent and my career. And that
was where my focus was. It's always a thing where I see
someone like, oh she's fine. And then I'm like, but then I gotta talk to her
and then I gotta figure out, I gotta commit to all this
work and it's gonna be, and then after while, like nah, forget it, it's too much of a hassle
and I just move on.
Also, being the single father
thing is very interesting. Then the women know that you are probably gonna
be like the fifth option. You know, it's, it's my kids, then me, my career, then you.
– That's the priority. – And that's, that doesn't see, they, they think it's a good
idea. It sounds great. – It sounds good in the beginning. – Until they fall,
until they fall for you, and they're like, oh, you want more? I'm like, I can't give you more.
– And then I bet it's
probably actually hard to actually date someone
that doesn't have kids. – Yes. – Because they feel like
they're need to be number one and don't understand
the fact that, you know, when you have children,
that's my priority. – Yes. – Like if they call me right
now, then I need to go. I'm leaving. – I'm out. Yes, that's the thing. – I'm leaving, I'm gone. – And the most important thing is how they talk about their ex. That's, that's very important. – Right? – If I, if I see you, just dogging your ex all the time, I'm, nah, it ain't gonna work. – Right. – Dating after a divorce. For
me it was hard to snap out of, I'm not in a relationship
anymore. That was hard. You get like a little bit of depression. I mean, obviously, you're grieving over your loss of your
You do therapy. You, you, you try to make yourself out
of your funk or whatever. After doing that, then you're feeling like
you're ready for dating. But everything was online. It's hard to meet in person. You know, it's kind of like a cheat
sheet when you do it online. You know, 'cuz you, you know
what you're sort of getting, even if you're getting catfished, you still have a cheat sheet. You still have an idea of what this person may or may not be. – For me it was easy. No fault. – Okay, you're over
here, you're over here. – Working in a entertainment business.
You know, you meet every time new people. If you are friendly, you know, it's easy to start to have
conversation and everything, and date occasionally, you know. – I think you should move. – Me? – Yeah, I'm, I'm not that way. No, I'm, I'm getting a different vibe. Like you were in a very
long-term relationship for a long time and then absolutely
crushed you when it ended.
And that to me feels like
a, not, like, over here. – Yeah. – Okay. – Yeah. – Right. – Yeah. I think y'all might be similar. – No, I think he needs
to actually move too. – Here's a question. When you were single, what
did you learn about yourself? – I learned that I need to
stop being a people pleaser and I needed to start going for what I wanted and compromise
from there, I guess.
– Oh, you gave me goosebumps. – Yeah. Sorry. – I wanna' give you a hug? – Oh, thank you. – You can hug me. That's fine. – Air hugs. – Thank you. – I learned that many of the issues I had in my marriage had
a lot more to do with me than I was willing to
admit before my divorce. So now that I'm single and
I've had time to reflect, I'm like, oh, a lot of ownership. – Mm. – Yeah. – I was you know, more romantic and more just really flamboyant. So when I got married I went, I realized that I was
actually putting stuff in the back burner, like I was losing myself
because I was pleasing someone and hoping that I have
that stability for the, you know, for my kids. But during the three years now, I'm actually found myself, so. – That's good. – I found myself, oh
hold on, Imma' (mumbles) Hold on one second.
– You okay? – Yeah, I'm fine. – Do you wanna hug now? – I guess, sure. – So I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go to therapy because it's myself that needs healing and I don't want my
kids to grow up feeling what they feeling, for
the, you know, the divorce. So I actually started learning like, oh, I used to love poetry.
I'm like, why did I stop? Oh, I remember I wrote
a poem long time ago in the beginning of our relationship and he just put it away.
Since he's been gone, I've been accomplishing a lot of my goals and in a way, I'm kind of scared to actually get in in
another relationship. But at the time, I think I'm actually ready for like a full relationship now, because of the, of the self-healing that I've already been through. – The time is short. You know, you don't know how long time you have. It's no sense to stay with
somebody if you're not happy. It's better to don't take
any (beeping expletive) from anybody. If you can improve my life, we'll be okay.
If you not improve and put
me down, I don't need you. No. – Right. – Let's say it louder, sister.
– And kind of like that. – I kind of grow up, you
know, in not so happy family, you know, having a problems all the time. What I was small, you know, I say I will not stay
married if I'm not happy. If I will need to marry 10
times. I will marry 10 times. I hope not.
(laughing) – That vibe… – That support system. – Proves, I think, why you're right there, in a very good way. You know what I mean? – Thank you. – Yeah. How long did it take you, just
think of whatever you want, to get your divorce? – It took me, probably eight months. The reason being, the first thing I said is
that we're not going to court 'cause I'm not taking anything from you and you're not taking anything from me and we're not doing this whole Hollywood divorce thing. Let's focus on the kids.
And that was it. – It's hard for me to explain my situation without giving out too
much information because I, I am finalizing divorce but
we're still fighting over kids. – You're in the right place. – Yeah, oh, thanks. Well, we started it during quarantine and we didn't get to do anything because quarantine really
prolonged everything. – It still is prolonging stuff. – Yeah. So I would say my separation
plus divorce took, took a couple years. – Once I filed the paperwork, it only took like 21 days,
but I think from the time I said I would like to be separated to the time I filed the
paperwork was about six months.
– I would say about six months. I did all the paperwork
myself for that one. – I did the paper from myself. Was one year, takes year for
us, you need to be signed. Both parts. – I think you should move right here. And the reason for that is because you initiated your divorce like someone who's been divorced before and I feel that in my soul. So… – And I think you should
actually be over there because you basically only
been speaking more on, one. So I think he should,
you and him should move. – Right here? – Yeah. – [Producer] Do you face any
stigma like as a divorcee? – Just on social media. I think I see a lot of people who have a lot of opinions on the fact that I've been divorced and not only that I've been divorced, but that I'm happy and
celebrating my life now.
It's very, people, people
really just don't like that. Culture taught us that
this is what you do. You grow up, you find a
person that's your person, you marry them and you
stay with them forever. And so we were taught that. And when you don't do what society has kind of programmed us all to do, I think people don't know
what to do with that. And so, yeah, I do think there's a stigma. You know, I was supposed to
be this like super, you know, Christian girl and I was
terrified of what other people would think of me or
how I would be portrayed if I did get divorced. Like would that make me less qualified to my peers in the church? So yeah, I think it definitely played a role in like the length of time it took me to know when I should or shouldn't be in something and when it was time to leave.
– A lot of people judge. It's a lot of judgment. Even though they say they don't judge you, they judge you, but you just, I feel like, you just keep
on moving the way you, you wanna move. They not living your life. – It's funny, the first
stigma I felt was actually from the ex-. 'Cause in
her mind, it was like, oh, I'm the dad, so you're just gonna
see them on the weekends or you are gonna fly back to
England and never see a kid. Which I, never understood
that concept, in general. It's like there's two people
that are raising kids. It takes two people, for the most part. And if they're willing to
be, to raise their kids, then, you know, they're both should do it. Yeah, there's definitely
that stigma of, you know, especially with the black fathers and how they're not involved
in their lives, kind of thing. Yeah. – Yeah. – [Producer] How has divorce affected your opinion on finding future love? Marriage in general? (laughing) – Haven't heard from you in a bit? – Yeah.
What's going on with you. Yeah. – Yeah. Doesn't affect me. I, I believe in love. If I will find out good.
If not, I'm still trying. Nothing, what can put me down? – I'm ready. But I need to make sure
that I screen 'em first. Because I was talking to
someone in, in three months, I actually test him.
I was like, hey, come help me with my
garage and I'll pay you. And so he took the money
after he cleaned my garage and I was like, okay,… – That's how much it was worth. _ I already know where to put you at. You're my friend. – Yeah. And then he asked,
oh, can I get a massage? I bet you you need a massage. I'm gonna need that a
hundred dollars back. If you test 'em, they're
gonna show the action. And that's what it is. It's
all about action at the end. – I feel like Joshlyn,
you should go to top. – Oh my god, really? I got the most? – The reason is because
you're testing people and I feel like that's a tough… – Oh, just cuz I got
five kids. I understand. – I'm telling you she's
over here. I'm telling you.
She's, she's way… – Joshlyn? – Actually. Yeah. You know what? I agree. I think Joshlyn should be in between. – No way. You think it's less? – Yes. – Because of the testing? – Yes. – Because, even though she's testing, she's never gonna get to the marriage part because they're failing all the tests based on the tests that she's giving. And the test, the test that she's giving, are kinda' like not the best
tests, per se. So. that's why. – All the man had to
do was not take money. – Take the money. – And then she would've married him. – But here's the thing… – No, I would not.
Okay, okay, I'll go. – [Marcos] All right. – Whose fault was it? – Whose fault was what? – That's what I wanna
know. Whose fault was it. – Oh, the divorce? – I think it was amicable. I think we, we were both of, I think we just lost communication and lost touch with each other. We have no problems with each other now. I think the divorce was
actually a good thing for us because now we can still be friends. – Whose fault was it for you? – I guess it was, I'm not
gonna answer that question.
– Plead the fifth. I'll take it. – I feel like that's telling. – Plead the fifth. – I plead the fifth. No
more reading me, sir. No, (mumbling). – Sir? – I'm messing with you. – Who's fault was it? – It was hers. She cheated. So that's, that's the end of it for me. – And you wasn't the one that actually caused the cheating or did she
try to talk to you, before? – I mean, what does that, I have a, that's interesting you said that. what does that mean? – About to fight. – Do I need to take these heels off? – You can, whatever makes
you feel comfortable. – Okay. – I don't think there's
any excuse for cheating. Like if you, if you don't
want to be in the marriage, just bounce. – We gotta move you back over here. – I wanna' put you here. – Yeah. – Sorry. – Oh, gosh. – My thought was, just a lot of the thought
process being focused on the other person,
rather than on the self.
– On the past conversation,
even when you spoke about, you know, when you start a relationship, how it should finish, I was like, ah, maybe she's been a little
bit more around the butt than I thought, so. You, you right here. – So is this our final answer? – I don't agree, but… – What do you want? No, speak your mind. – I feel like you need to be. – I agree. I do. – More further up. – I agree. – Who, me? – No, no, no. – Oh. – Oh. – Me, here? – Yeah, closer, closer.
Because my reasoning. – Yeah. Say it with your chest. – We're so emotionally charged about it. She's not so emotionally charged about it. – Because she's been doing
it like seven times now. No, I'm just kidding. She has a poker face. – Yes. Okay, see, she got a poker face. – That's her poker face. – She playing her game. She's
actually good where she's at. – Yeah, 'cause I've just realized like, why am I here? – Y'all, I'm begging you.
I think I, I'm begging you. – Okay. – Okay. Fine. – Bring her here. – I can, I can feel that. (kissing noises) – So, right here? – I still don't know that
you should be on the end. – I agree. I don't think
I should be at the end. Like this, this is completely off. – All right, so you should come down here. – We should move up, 'cause– – Yeah, I think you should be right here. – I'm number one again? Dang it. – I think this is a final answer. – All right.
– That's it. We done. Everything is. – I think we like it here. – [Producer] Starting with the
fifth spot, we have Marcos. In the fourth spot, Leon. – Somebody, say it with the chest. – [Producer] And the third spot? Joshlyn. – No. – [Producer] In the second spot. Marissa. – Okay. – [Producer] And in the
first spot, Nicoleta. – Oh, I'm right in the middle,
where I supposed to be. – I've had one divorce and I would say it's
just fell outta' love. And communication, bad communication. – I have had one divorce and
nice and simple, she cheated. – I have one divorce and I'm
currently going through one. – All right, I, hello.
I've been married and
divorced twice before 30. So I have two divorces and both my fault. I decided to leave and I initiated both because I have attachment
issues. That's for another day. – Okay. I was four-time divorce. – I dunno why I'm clapping. – See, I told you, experience. – I'm clapping like… – Experience, experience. – And every time was different reason. You know, first time was gambling,
second time was cheating, third time was cheating
with another side of sex, and fourth time we was,
have the business together and we start to fight from here and never have a business
again with a partner. – Right. You getting
married the fifth time? Fifth time the charm. – I hope it will be the good one. – A win is a win. We did pretty good. – Good. – I think the only thing we
had switched up was me and you. – I told you to say, keep me right here. – I mean, give it a few more
months, you'll be right there.
– She said a few more months. – You're literally… I think it's really nice
to be in a room with people who have also gone through it. – Yeah. Being someone who has that motto. I've been married and
divorced twice before 30. I do see so much hate and I think people
forget that you're human. And I love meeting you,
because your personality and your vibe and you, your knowing that you're enough and that the right person
will come is amazing. Even with four divorces. And I think it gives me hope because I feel so much shame in myself for having two divorces and, and seeing you thrive and be happy is just really encouraging
thing for me to see. – Me too. – I'm kind of used to divorce, I've seen divorce a lot
in my family, friends, and all that stuff. And it's just a thing that you
need to help people out with when they're going through it. People feel like divorce is
kind of like a, a disease. I don't like the fact that
people tend to leave you alone and ignore you. Whether it's your fault or not your fault.
When you separate, you're
grieving the loss of a life, your, your life together. And I think when someone's grieving, you need to be there for them. – That's interesting
you said that. 'Cause I, I found myself actually helping people who are going through divorce. Like, even though I'm a little cynical when it comes to marriage
and everything else, I, I still try and put a
positive light on, you know, things can, yeah, things can go better. You know, there's, there's
life after a divorce, so on and so forth. Yeah. – Mm. Aw. I'm single. My name is
Joshlyn and I am 40 years old. I have five kids, but you
don't gotta worry about them. I'm free Thursday through
Monday, so, holla'. – Usernames. Throw out your usernames. – Oh no, I'm good. – Okay..